“‘Ned, have you been drinking?’ ‘His throat hurt from smoking.'”
– Fay/Henry, Henry Fool
Marco Rubio should run as an independent. (I love succinct opening lines so much. Ughhh, I’m becoming one of them.(The blogosphere)). The party he’s attached to obviously doesn’t know how to do PR. Well, at least those of them in the House. For God’s sake, you’ve got a charismatic Hispanic candidate lined right up for 2016. You can grab some of the 75% of Latinos who went Dem last election. All you need to do is to enact a bill on immigration in which you pretty much win everything you want (increased funding to border patrol, more fence, no auto-amnesty), but Democratic lawmakers will, for some reason, support. Or….you can, against all reason, and against the advice of every single sane conservative in the universe (and some insane ones), stubbornly reject it. Oh, God, someone jumped the fence to find a job he can afford to feed his family on! Better make sure he can never ever ever ever ever become a citizen, even if he pays a fine he can’t afford, and goes to the back of the years-long queue for citizenship. God forbid that. He might steal a job from a hardworking American citizen. Oh, he would be a citizen too, you say? Not on our watch! That would be amnesty! (End sarcastic interlude.) Amnesty. Right. Yeah, if I park in a handicapped spot and chip out $250 bucks and get jailed for some reason, that sure feels amnestial (87.951% sure that isn’t a real word.). Dude, I am just rolling in amnesty. And seriously? They aren’t going to steal our jobs. They’d just be doing the same jobs illegal immigrants already do, because the ~11.8 million unemployed won’t do it. Because they’re college graduates and that stuff’s beneath them. They’d just be getting higher wages. Now, at this point, if I were a typical blogger, I’d go on a tirade about how the evil corporations are paying off the GOP to keep the poor victimized Latino’s wages low so they can squeeze more profits out of the poor people. (Don’t even lie. I’ve read you guys’ posts on the immigration reform clusterfuck (Is so a word, spellcheck! Oh, so now you’re telling me that spellcheck isn’t a word? Well, you can go jump in a nuclear waste disposal site. Fuckin’ mook. Trying to argue with a human.), and they are all that and more.) But I’m not a typical blogger (Yes, I am being just a bit (|————–|) defensive.), so I’m just gonna say that hey, everyone’s out for their own best interests. And that brings me back to the issue of why the GOP House is being so damn dumb. Their own best political interests would indeed be to pass this bill, but they aren’t, confusing political analysts, supposedly “unbiased” news anchors, and me (Oxford comma. Yays.). Well, if they want to dig their own grave (slightly late idiom alert), that’s their problem. But I’d advise Marco Rubio to get the hell out. Hey, I’d vote a Rubio-Christie 2016 ticket. And their party could have a cool new color. Like purple. Or turquoise. Epigram: Note on style. When multiple people are in a quote, they’re attributed in order of speaking, e.g. Fay said the first part and Henry said the second. Oh, and for reference, Ned is five, and he’s Fay’s son. Not Henry’s.
TL;DR: Vote Rubio/Christie 2016. The GOP House is dumb for real. And I’m becoming defensive about being different. Time to shake things up.
Hobbes 