“’Good Lord, he’s using country music!’ ‘HE DIES! HE DIES SCREAMING!’”
-Nijo/Swan, Deadpool #69
WARNING: This is one of those posts where I talk about myself a lot. If you hate me, don’t read it. If you don’t hate me yet, don’t make any promises. This post may yet change your mind.
Alright, this blog has been around for a whole one posts, time to tackle the Fun (see this for details) issues
headass-first. Now, my tagline is, or at least was when I wrote this (if I survive long enough after posting this to change it), what’s at the top of the screen under the title. However, there’s a bit of an exception to the “socially liberal” bit (haven’t found an exception to the economic Republicanism yet, liberalnomics are magnus stultus), and that is in the area of, you guessed it, abortion (This is probably why most of the feminists I know hate me)(Oh, wait, everybody hates me.)(Not even true, and that reeked of self-pity). I believe that causing the death of a developing child after it has lodged in the uterine wall (not sure if the word for that is conception or something else, but a precise scientific definition is probably better anyway) is murder, just as much as any other murder, and should be forbidden as such. This isn’t an issue of me wanting to oppress women. I promise. I try quite hard to avoid mental gender (or any other) bias, although it occasionally creeps in anyway sub-conciously (I was once talking to a [female][feminist] friend (Surprising, right?). Part of our conversation went something like this (immediately post her slapping me): “’So you wouldn’t hit me because I’m a girl?’ ‘Yep.’ ‘Really?!’” (No, actually I wouldn’t hit you because you’re weaker than I am, not because you have a vagina. I don’t go around hitting nine-year-old boys who hit me just because they’re male either. But I’m not going to say that to someone I’m trying to hit on (other sense of hit.). I’m not that bluntpragmatic. (Because I am that blunt.))) (Lot of instances of hit in that conversation/my thoughts. My English teacher would red-pen that with a big WORD CHOICE, but what else do I use? Strike? Land blows?). (I seem to be talking about myself a lot, so I might as well mention at this point that I’m very proud of myself for mastering the art of nesting quotes. Twice in one entry! (I’m still working on parentheses. Obviously, if you know the rules of nesting parentheses.)) On to even more Fun super-noncontroversial stuff. Some people who are against abortion make an exception for rape (don’t see why they always add “and incest”, since any unwanted baby coming from incest is probably also a result of rape anyhow (unless they’re referring to the increased risk of retardation from inbreeding (the reason incest is and should remain illegal), in which case I have a few local accredited eugenicists I can refer them to). What, so it’s the baby’s fault its father was a Class A douchebag? Last I checked, as much as it fuckin’ sucks, getting raped doesn’t exempt you from the laws against murder (except, probably, that of your rapist in the immediate time vicinity of the crime), so if you really believed abortion was murder, you wouldn’t have that exemption. There’s not really much more to say about this issue. No real points of reasoning, since it’s a mostly arbitrary point of morality, except to point out that before you say that I’m trying to “enforce my personal arbitrary morality on you”, and that “If you believe abortion is wrong, then don’t do it, but don’t force your morals on others” (Yes, I’ve actually had that said to me, although I hear it more often for gay marriage. I’m not against gay marriage, but for God’s sake, the logical fallacy of that statement hurts my inner being), I’m just gonna point out that you’re doing the exact same thing and I don’t resent it (I just resent the fact that you’re arguing with me in the first place) (As for the second one, if you believe animal abuse is wrong, don’t do it, but don’t force your morals on me, I believe burning puppies is my right). That’s kind of the point of majority (plurality would be more accurate, but that’s not the idiom) rule democracy. A note before I go (Slowly, as it turns out.) This wasn’t what I was originally going to write on. I wrote another post, but it was shit and wasn’t going anywhere. The only thing I liked was a William Howard Taft joke I made. Here it is: “Running for precedent.” (Get it?)(No?)(Either you’re dumb or I’m insane. According to American schools’ historical (or recent, depending on your age) test scores and my psychologist, respectively, quite possibly both. Oh well). The epigram is there because I found it funny, and in my current location, I’m rather starved for quotable paper material (copies of the Bible, a TV guide, a pharmacology textbook, For Reasons of State by your favorite radical, Gnome Chompski (HL2 players, unite!), and some ancient copies of The Atlantic, so I turned to my computer’s offline resources (Deadpool 1-69, some spoken word recordings I’m remastering/serving as a backup medium for, and programming documentation. ‘Pooly won.) (Also, I’m pretty sure the issue number is not a coincidence. In other news, there’s a man with a typewriter somewhere…) I quoted from the Bible in the epigram on the other post, but that would be a little too related for this topic, and somebody might infer that I’m basing my belief on abortion on it (which I’m not, any more than all of modern Western morality already is based on it (don’t even deny it)). Hobbes out (to go hide in the Hobbes-cave (got it off of House Flippers. Jumping car not included, probably because a CGI construction, no matter how black and shiny and made by Morgan Freeman, would be pretty useless to me.) from all the rage that may well rain down upon me upon posting id (Latin for “this”, uneducated cretin) (if anyone even reads it. I’ve been out of interweb contact literally since my blog went pubicpublic (Autocorrect entry time), so I have no idea at this point if anyone even noticed its existence)). Wow…the main post ended 327 words (not including this line) ago…I did not go quietly into that good (non-narcissistic) night.
TL;DR: Abortion is always murder, but I’m not a sexist. There’s nothing to read where I am. <joke>If I’m found dead in the morning, the feminists did it.</joke> (The joke tags are to save me from the media.) And I’ve now written something with five-deep nested parentheses. (Insert Inception dream level reference here (Hell, I just expended all my caffeine-powered energy attempting to make a post condemning abortion funny, imagine your own damn jokes.))